Being as Leading

My fondest memories growing up were the times spent at my grandmother’s house. While I lived two doors down from her, there was nothing like the up close and personal actions my little observant mind witnessed at her leadership helm.

I guess I should mention that Nana, as we affectionately called her, was also our neighborhood “candy lady.” Given her “rep” as always having the best supply of Swedish fish, Now and Laters, sunflower seeds and bubble gum, I instantaneously was the recipient of “street cred” (a quality that makes you likely to be accepted by ordinary young people who live in towns and cities because you have the same fashions, styles, interests, culture, or opinions).

Whether it was walking home from school with my cousins or up the block to go to one of my aunties’ houses, I was affectionately known as one of Mrs. Logan’s grandkids. The interpretation: “She’s cool; don’t mess with her.” Nana’s reputation became a badge of protection for me as I tried my best to manage the sometimes hectic and, at times, painfully awkward elementary and middle school years of my life as an introverted, overachieving and —by the time I entered sixth grade—size 8.5 shoe wearer.

Wearing a size 8.5 shoe and being called “Can’t Dance” and “Klondike” weren’t the only painful transitions that happening during this time. My mom and I also moved to a new neighborhood about 10 minutes away from my Nana’s protective covering. The new neighborhood didn’t have a “candy lady.” It had a corner store, and Mr. Arnold apparently skipped customer service 101.

The new neighborhood, while nicer than our old one, also had its share of middle school bullies and mean girls, as well as economic, social and even racial divides. I’d lie if I said there weren’t times that I wished we’d just move back to “Chad Brown,” my beloved childhood neighborhood. Other than my uncle, aunt and five cousins that moved to the “East Side” at the same time as us, the only other thing I liked about the move was my sixth grade English and history teachers, Mr. Cooley and Mrs. Zexter.

As I begin to slowly accept that I wasn’t going to be Dorothy, click my Airmax 95s two times and be back in my preferred neighborhood, I started to think about how I could not just survive but thrive in my new normal. While at the time I didn’t know this is where my journey and passion for “being as leading” was birthed,  these crucible years are where I developed both survival skills and as strategic thinking skills to help ease the internal conflicts that abounded between who I knew I could be and the me that was showing up.

Reflecting back, even through the tears, I knew that I failed to operate in “being a leading” because I was more concerned about not rocking the boat and “going along to get along” more than being true to beat of my heart.

As a result, my formative thinking processes about “being as leading” were full of failed bargaining techniques and flat out failures.

Case Study #1—Being Bullied Isn’t Leading

One of things I learned early on in my new neighborhood is that if the teacher praised you and said anything about your smarts, you became a target. Well, let’s just say Mrs. Cooley put a “NEW HERE” neon green target on my back in English. Being a transfer student, the new school didn’t believe that I was on the reading level stated by my old school so I was not put in my proper reading class. While in Mrs. Cooley’s class, everyone else was on reading level 12 or 13, and I was on level 17. As a result, while others struggled through the two-hour period, I didn’t and used the time to read some of my favorite non textbooks and magazines.

One day a young lady who shall remain nameless cornered me and told me that from now on I’d be doing her homework too or be at the wrath of her fists. Being the brave warrior I was (absolutely not), I took on this brazen demand. For three months, I struggled in silence staying up into the late hours of the evening finishing chores, then doing my homework, followed by her homework.

I’ll never forget the night my mom inquired as to why it was taking me so long to do homework as it had never been the case for me. I remember like it was yesterday as the first few tears of stress, fear and weariness rolled down my face. With my head slightly bowed, I began to tell my mom of the unreasonable nonnegotiable I found myself in—do her homework or get beat down by her fists.

The look of shock on my mom’s face, coupled with a few colorful words, led to a meeting with the school principal where my mom did two things: First, she called for a prompt end to the bullying. Second, she notified the homework bully’s parents, which put a prompt end to the problem. While this story had a somewhat happy ending (externally everything was resolved), internally, I begin to question myself and what caused me to fail to be the leader my mom had raised me to be. And, I made a decision that I would never allow myself to be bullied into finally telling the truth and leading either.

Case Study #2—Being One Who Goes Along to Get Along Isn’t Leading

I wish I could tell you that the sixth grade was the only time I compromised who I was in order to go along to get along and not get beat up, but sadly it wasn’t. Fast forward to my first professorship at one of our nation’s beloved football schools in the South.

While I graduated with my Ph.D. in Political Science from The Ohio State University, which is also a large research school and football-loving institution, the stakes were different navigating through the terrain from a graduate student to an actual employee. As an employee, especially at a state-funded institution, you are very aware of which lines you must not cross as it relates to the separation between church and state and the First Amendment.

Being one whose personality profile and Enneagram numbers indicate a strong penchant to color within the lines, I found myself in numerous uncomfortable positions as the Holy Spirit would speak to my spirit during lectures on political parties, interest groups and civil liberties, to my complete and total discomfort. Often, I would ignore Him and power through the lectures because I understood that, while I was a Christian by confession, I was a political scientist by profession and I needed to keep my job, so I thought.

One day, in the middle of February, I was delivering a lecture on Federalism. With about 325 out of the 400 students in Introduction to American Government present, and my 6 teaching assistants front and center, I mounted the book board with my laptop and headset microphone ready to go, when I first felt the strong prompting to share a message that bubbled up in my spirit.

As usual, I knew the game plan: go along to get along (ie. ignore Him). Fiftenn minutes into lecture, as I breaking down the various types of Federalism—dualism, cooperative, laissez faire—I felt His presence again and heard a message that I couldn’t ignore. So with some shaking in my voice, I begin to address the class.

I stepped out from behind the lectern and delivered the download I received.

“First, let me apologize in advance, but I need to interrupt lecture because I can’t shake or continue to ignore what I’m hearing,” I said. “God says there is someone here this morning who is contemplating suicide. You are going to take your life, and He is saying, ‘Do not do it, that He loves you and He cares for you!’”

I don’t remember much about the day after that other than praying I didn’t receive a call to go see the dean. Two days later, I did receive a call, however. Someone left a message on my office phone and said, “Dr. King (my maiden name), it was me that you were talking to in the lecture. I was going to take my life, but because of what you shared, I am not going to do it. Thank you for interrupting lecture for me.”

On that day, being a go-along-to-get-along, color-by-number, draw-within-the-lines leader was laid to rest as my core understanding of who God wired me to be was tested and finally resurrected.

Case Study #3—Being As Leading

In his book, True North, Bill George writes about defining moments that shape us as leaders. These crucible moments, if utilized well, point us in the direction of our “True North”—who we are at our core.

In the Bible, we encounter so many who have defining crucible moments—Daniel in the lions’ den, Esther in the king’s court, to name a few. What’s interesting is that, in these instances, both Daniel and Esther got to a place at which they made the tough decision to not bow, ultimately declaring, “If I perish, I perish.”

The poet William Cullen Bryant said it this way: “Truth crushed to the earth will rise again.”

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., said it this way: “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

Brené Brown says it this way: “Integrity is choosing courage over comfort.”

And, the wisest of them all, Jesus, said it this way: “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13).

Do you see the pattern yet? In and of ourselves, we aren’t equipped to wholeheartedly lead from a place of our being.

First, it can be difficult to arrive at a place where being is leading because so many of us aren’t fully aware of who God says we are and who He ordained us to be. Yes, we know the word. We can equip and empower others. Yet, do we truly believe that the truth of Psalm 139?

You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.

Know this: Who you are—how you process, think and are uniquely wired—is all a part of the divine intricacies of the power, presence and purposes of God in your life. The insight, opportunities and revelation that only seem to come your way are all a part of the wiring He has equipped you with to walk out leading from being.

The reality, however, is that as I shared in my first two case studies, like the younger me, so many of us are failing to lead from a place of being because we aren’t yet aware or in touch with, or could be full of fear about, our true essence of who God says we are to be.

We aren’t being in our leading because we are trying to lead devoid of our fundamental core values, thoughts, non-negotiables and beliefs. Being is the nature or essence of a person. It is a state of mind. It is a collection of thoughts and perspectives we possess. It is a place or position. It is oneness.

In a world that constantly bombards us with symbols, thoughts, images, language and even emojis that tell us who we ought to be, how often do we find ourselves—even as believers succumbing to society’s accepted values on living, leading and being to the detriment of our faith filled beliefs?

If we are going to walk in the power of being as leading, where the full essence of who God has wired us to be shows up, we have to ask some questions:

1. Who are you when you are being?
2. Is who you are when you are being different than who you are when you are leading?
3. Can your being stand alone and be at peace when you aren’t leading?

As you can tell, all of these “being as leading” questions center on our identity, and until we are clear that, “God said it. I believe it. That settles it. Amen!” we will never be able to fully lead from a place of transparency, vulnerability, honesty and empathy. Instead of being in our leading, we may find ourselves in a state of being in which we erroneously adhere to broken, outdated, antiquated and even patriarchal models of leading. You know, the models that adhere to these false narratives of leadership such as the following:

 “You’ve got to be stern if you are going lead.”

“Women are too emotional to lead.”

“Millennials are terrible leaders.”

“You can’t trust the people you lead.”

“There is no such thing as team in leading.”

Maybe you haven’t heard these exact things, but maybe you were raised to believe that you’ve got to be a micromanager to lead. Maybe you were raised to believe that you’ve got to be demanding and unapologetic to lead. Maybe you believe that, based on societal influences, certain races and cultures are equipped to lead.

It really doesn’t matter what you may have believed. The truth of the matter is that we all have an opportunity to walk in the power of “being as leading” because delay isn’t denial. What we may have forfeited before in our leadership (which I define as the ability to influence people, environments, and outcomes towards the achievement of a collective goal) doesn’t have to be a constant in our lives. Moreover, what we believed about leadership in an old season doesn’t have to be our constant companion in this new season. As Paul reminds us:

“Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away. Behold, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that in Christ God was reconciling the world to Himself, not counting men’s trespasses against them. And He has committed to us the message of reconciliation” (2 Corinthians 5:17-19).

If the coronavirus pandemic has taught us anything, I believe it’s that the greatest leaders among us are those who are serving on the frontlines in a broad range of low-end and high-profile industries that we were all guilty of taking for granted. Every time our cashiers, bus drivers, EMTs, medical doctors, government officials and faith-based leaders show up, we ought to thank them for their service—for their examples of “being as leading.”

I like how Dr. King said it:

“Everybody can be great ... because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.”

In this season, ask yourself, Who is God calling me to be? Am I being in my leading or is this an opportunity for me to evolve into His leadership vision of me -predestined since He created me.

Remember, there is another you inside of you, desirous to lead from a place of being present in His presence, from a place of wholeheartedness, and from a place of oneness where your literal being leads.

This article was extracted from Issue 2 (Summer 2020) of the AVAIL Journal.