Holy Wounds, Holy Work

Surviving the scars of leadership

By André Butler

“Church hurt” is a very real issue for pastors. I have been in ministry for almost 30 years as an assistant youth pastor, a campus ministry pastor, a young adult pastor, a co-pastor and now a lead pastor. I have been hurt by church people over and over again. I also grew up in a pastor’s home and have seen my parents hurt by church people in ways that even I have yet (and hope never) to experience.

If you’ve been in church leadership any amount of time, you have probably encountered:

... gossip, slander, undermining, unhealthy expectations and lack of support.

... situations when people you’ve invested significant time, energy, effort and money into suddenly ghost you without a word.

... those who once believed in you and supported you creating factions against you because of their own offenses.

... people having an issue with you but talking to everyone but you about it.

... other pastors or ministers openly speaking against you, and you finding out from someone else.

Notice what’s consistent across this list: people—the very ones God has called us to serve—cause all of it! This creates a bit of a dilemma. How can God expect you to serve the people when it’s the people who are hurting you? How can God expect you to give your life to the church when the church hurts you?

Of course, Jesus and the apostles faced even greater opposition in their lives and ministry—often from those to whom they were called to minister. Let’s just say it: church hurt is an occupational hazard when you’re serving the church! Yet, God has called us to serve the church and the community. He expects us to. In fact, one day He’s going to hold us accountable for whether we did it faithfully.

You might be thinking, How am I supposed to serve when I feel like this, when I hurt like this, when I know that more is to come? Here are some answers.

REMEMBER WHO AND WHY YOU SERVE

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship” (Romans 12:1).

There are several reasons why we serve God, but this has to be near the top of the list: we serve Him because of all that He has done for us. We could never pay God back, but we can give back to Him by helping as many people as possible become a part of His family.

Ultimately, we serve in ministry for God, not for people. We want to please Him, not them. We want to bless Him by blessing them. This is our motivating factor, and it needs to drive us no matter what comes our way.

KEEP THE PROPER PERSPECTIVE

“It [love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Corinthians 13:7).

Although there are surely some in your church or ministry who have caused (or will cause) you to experience church hurt, it’s important to remember that they are the minority. It’s not everyone. It’s not even most of them. For every Judas, there’s a John, James, Stephen, Timothy or Titus.

Most of the people you serve absolutely love you and will be a blessing to you. Even the Peters of the bunch, who may have seasons when they don’t always say and do the right thing concerning you, will find a place of repentance and grow.

This is why it’s better to approach people the way Paul said to in 1 Corinthians 13: “Believe the best of them.” See and treat everyone as innocent until proven guilty! Don’t buy the enemy’s lie that church is your problem because it really isn’t; it’s just some people in the church. The church itself (and church people in general) is one of the greatest blessings of your life!

FORGIVE, FORGIVE, FORGIVE

“Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.’ And they divided up his clothes by casting lots” (Luke 23:34).

There aren’t many more profound ways to be like Jesus than to forgive someone who has wronged you. This is especially true when they don’t recognize, acknowledge or ask for forgiveness for what they have done wrong. True leaders forgive.

Remember that to forgive is to truly let go of what they have done to you, to pardon them. From time to time, our government officials will pardon someone for a crime they committed. That pardon doesn’t always say they didn’t commit the crime, but that they no longer have to pay the price for it. That’s a place we need to get to with those who have hurt us. Some people have been in the prison of our minds and hearts for a long time, and it’s time to let them go!

By the way, forgiveness doesn’t just help them—it helps you! At some point, you have to stop rehearsing what someone did to you in your mind and in conversations and move forward. Sometimes it’s that very act of forgiveness that can actually lead to healing for you. It can also lead to reconciliation with those who have done you wrong.

DON’T BARK BACK

“But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed” (Isaiah 53:7).

As a leader, you must learn to ignore personal attacks. Notice how, even when Jesus was on the cross, He didn’t bark back at those who mocked Him, though He really could have! I don’t know about you, but if I were in His position, I would have been tempted to mock them back with all the details of how they would burn in hell! However, Jesus didn’t do that.

I once heard a statement that stuck with me: “No one pays attention when a dog barks at the moon, but everyone does when the moon barks back!” As a leader, you are the moon in that story. It’s beneath you to respond to the attacks of those whom Satan is clearly using. God will vindicate you. You simply focus on letting Him use you.

TAKE IT; DON’T GIVE IT

“Recalling your tears, I long to see you, so that I may be filled with joy. ... So do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord or of me his prisoner. Rather, join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God” (2 Timothy 1:4,8).

Timothy had been through it! He was hurting and, at the very least, was tempted to draw back from his assignment because of it. God had Paul write this letter to him so that he would continue to “stir up the gift in him” and “be a partaker” of the trouble that sometimes comes with preaching the gospel. Notice what Paul didn’t say. He didn’t say that Timothy wouldn’t face more trouble. He didn’t say that he wouldn’t be hurt again. He said, “Step up and take it.” He went on to talk about enduring hardship as a good soldier of Jesus in the next chapter.

As I said, church hurt is an occupational hazard when you’re serving the church. Yet, God still expects you to serve the church! At some point, you have to develop thick skin and be willing to take whatever hits come your way for the sake of the gospel message. When football players step onto the field at the beginning of the season, they do so knowing there is a 100% injury rate in football. They do it anyway because they love football and the rewards that it brings them. We ought to love God and love people enough to step on the field of ministry and stay there. We also ought to be tough enough to take the attacks of people without attacking back.

“Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing” (1 Peter 3:9).

It is vitally important that you maintain a clear conscience toward God, including when people attack you. Once again, God will avenge you. God will vindicate you. If you maintain a clear conscience even in tough times, God will still be able to use you mightily.

BELIEVE GOD FOR COMFORT

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

Now, don’t get me wrong. God does not want you to go through life hurting. It’s especially difficult to minister well with a broken heart. So, what do you do when you’re hurt, even as a minister? The same thing you do as any believer. Ask and believe God for His supernatural comfort. God can fully and totally heal your heart until there isn’t even a scar! You may be wiser because of what you experienced, but you won’t be bitter. You can be a pastor who is whole and happy while serving God and His people. You just have to let God heal you from time to time.

REMEMBER THE REWARD

“His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’” (Matthew 25:21).

One of the things that keeps us going in life is knowing that if we do well, there will be a reward. As a kid, I remember being promised a gift if I did well in school, and that motivated me. As an adult, it motivates me to work out consistently if I know that I will like what I look like in the mirror. My wife’s response to romance motivates me to be romantic, too!

God understands this. He created us this way! And there’s no greater reward than to hear Him say, “Well done.” However, there is one pretty close reward, and that is hearing Him say it to those we have helped come to Jesus.

One of the reasons Satan causes church hurt is to distract us. Don’t let him. Keep your eyes on the prize! You are pleasing God and helping others do the same. You will be marvelously rewarded for it, not only in this life, but more importantly, in the one to come!

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As the pastor of Faith Xperience Church (FX Church) in the heart of Detroit, André Butler is a sought-after conference speaker and host known for his practical and relatable approach to preaching God’s Word. A graduate of Rhema Bible Training Center, Pastor André also holds a bachelor’s degree in management from Kennesaw State University. He resides in metro Detroit. André connects regularly with followers on Instagram, TikTok, X and Facebook. His messages can be found on his YouTube channel and at AndreButler.com. His new book is Church Hurt: It’s Time to Heal, from which this article is adapted.